So even though everything worked until I used the OEM switch I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that the switch was the problem (since I ordered a 2nd one from a different region and the same thing happened with that.)
But imjust2fast mentioned that his same problem, which he mentioned in this thread:
Fog Light Switch Wiring - The Acura Legend & Acura RL Forum
his problem was with the switch and it's contact points. so I took apart by brand new $16 switch to find this:
(the pics are of my old TCS/Courtesy light switch but the problem part IS from my fog switch)
you can see the contact arms are BROKEN! The reason the lights were always on was the remaining pieces were causing the connection between the accessory and power cables.
2 bad (brand new) switches from different dealers (or "vintage warehouse" as the dealer out here calls it) and both with the same problem.
Anyway, for those who may have this now or in the future, there you go.
Oh, to fix it i took the good contact pieces from y old TCS switch and put it in the fog switch.
thanks for all your help. Now I have OEM switch controlled foglights!