1truluv

Oil change for both sexes Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00



Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping ! oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shove! l oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. !
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00 -- But you know the job was done right

Just a lil Gurl humor.

Happy New Year !!!!

 

Netic

LOL.

Funny thing is, my brother and I did step number 15 when we were changing the oil filter on the family van. Damn thing just wouldn't come off!

-Mike

GREYLEGEND

Another version.


Oil change for both sexes

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Iffy Lube when the mileage reaches 10,000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink 2 cups of coffee.
2a) they tell you it needs a tranny flush. They put in Dexron not ATFZ1
2b) They say your PSF is low so they'll top it up with PSF
2c) They "top off" your coolant with green coolant
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
4) Drive home, find a big puddle under the car.
5) On way back to Iffy lube, engine is now seized.
6) Get cell phone
7) Tow car to dealer
8) Dealer says no longer under warranty
9) Afraid to tell dealer you used Iffy lube and avoided using them.
10) $5,000 later you get a new engine!
11) 6 months later your tranny is shifting rough
12) 8 months later the power steering is leaking
13) 12 months later you have gelled coolant and you car is overheating.


Enjoy the beer.

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z00m

i like greylegend's one best

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old school

danielle

hahaha that was a good one

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WhenHeartsRunDry

lol, i hate going to oil change places. They always tell you something is wrong. And its hard to say no...

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GREYLEGEND

Remember places like these have a target "average" invoice per customer that is substantially more than an oil change. So they go out of their way to raise the bill. Somehow, you always need an air filter, transmission flush, windshield wipers, steering flush or something else. If you do need it and decide to use their services. Don't stay in the car when they do the work. Jump outside and watch them to make sure they do it properly. You can sip their coffee standing and watching.

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1truluv

I like that version too.

90Legendman(LS)

Yea ppl definately stay da hell away from Jiffy Lube or any other oil chg place. B/c they do a rush job and they have these inexperienced wanna be mechanics who are prone for mistakes b/c they are trying to be fast !!! PRICKS!!

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90 LS Sedan

rafto

My mother-in-law went to Jiffy Lube once. They didn't tighten her drain plug properly (and didn't use a washer either). Luckily she noticed he oil pressure dropping before all the oil leaked out. I will NEVER use places like that.

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'87 Legend Sedan - Original owner - 198K miles
No mods except for stereo unit and speakers

'04 GMC Yukon XL SLT (wife's)
'00 Nissan Maxima SE (son's)

90Legendman(LS)

EXACTLY........PRICKS:p

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90 LS Sedan

alegend_88144

I do my OWN oil changes....thanks :p

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pacallen

I do have done my own oil changes, but when I can do them at the Acura dealer for only $24.95, there doesn't seem to be much of a saving to do it myself. They are guaranteed to do a good job, use geniune honda filters, genuine honda oil, if they screw up they fix it, and finally I dont have to clean up the mess. I ask myself why I should bother.

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SOLD: '87 Auto Sedan (12/31/2003)

TurboViper

LOL

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2006 Toyota Tundra Double Cab V8 2X4 - Daily Driver
2003 Honda S2000 - Dream Come True. - SOLD. Couldn't Afford the Tickets!!! LOL
2006 RSX Type-S - Gone; Read Link.
1988 Acura Legend L - Weekend Car.
1973 Datsun 240z 4-Speed L24 - All Original
1962 Chevrolet Nova Coupe (Dragster)

FF Drifter

I spend about $30 for each of my oil changes. I'm not really saving too much money over having it done at a dealership or whatever, but MY oil changes use 5 quarts of Royal Purple 5W-30 and a honest-to-goodness NSX oil filter.

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-8000K HID low-beams/PIAA Spark 8000 high-beams/PIAA Plasma GT-X corners
-Type II brakes/some weight reduction/new tires every 4-6 months
-NA1 NSX wheels: Kumho Ecsta SPT 225/50V-16R in front, Kumho Ecsta ASX 205/60V-15R in rear
-Custom built six-puck kevlar clutch/Lightened (aluminum) pulleys
-[Mugen/Showa] suspension with remote-adjustable dampers
-C35A1/C32A1 hybrid swap; smog legal (by GreenLight Auto)