94legendsedan

Hey all, it's been a while since I've posted on the forums; hope everyone is doing well. I'm seeking some relationship advice from those of you that have been in the same situation, have years of experience and wisdom to offer, general advice/opinions, etc. I have been with my current girlfriend for almost 3 years now. We are still in college (for another year or so) and met when I first transferred to my current institution. To clarify, she sought me out (used my Fraternity brothers to gain info, introduce, etc) and that's how we met. She is also in a sorority however in our upcoming last year our priorities have shifted. We currently live together as well. Lately, I have been contemplating whether or not the relationship is worth staying in. By no means have I been the perfect partner, nor am I blaming everything on her but it seems that lately (the past month or two) we have drifted farther and farther apart. We both work so we see each other in the mornings and in the evenings when we get off. It seems she has changed from the girl I first met; she used to be very big on her appearance. She would do her make up, hair and get dressed (skirt/matching top, sun dress/day dress in the spring and summer, jeans/black pants, etc & jewelry & high heels) pretty much everyday (a quality I loved). Seldom would she ever "bum it"...sweatpants/soffee shorts & flip flops. Now it's pretty much completely the opposite. She doesn't even straighten her hair anymore, just puts it up or ties it back throws on a t-shirt/shorts or sweatpants and goes on the move. When I ask why she doesn't get "done up" anymore, she replies, sometimes with a degree of hostility "why I care so much about her appearance" & that I "should love her for who she is and not what she looks like". She has also become a lot more irritable...the smallest comment I make evokes a pointless and petty argument or is construed by her as "excessive complaining or bitching". She is always tired...even when I know she hasn't done much all day. We used to be all about going out and spending time with friends, going to bars/clubs, or just spontaneous stupid couples stuff. Now, it is a common sight to see her sitting in bed or on the couch watching TV for hours on end. If I get into bed with her or sit down next to her, she barely notices. We can go those hours on end without saying anything to each other and it has started to seem normal. Our sex life has dwindled...it's been a little over a week now; we don't even do it unless I am proactive about it...she never makes the effort anymore. We used to be very sexually active; anywhere from 1-2 times a day to going out to bars/clubs and having to stop somewhere secluded on the way home to do it. She also used to be very adventurous sexually, making videos with me, trying different positions, toys, etc. Now for lack of a better phrase, our sex life is below mediocre and barely existent. Whenever the topic comes up she asks "is sex all you ever think about" or gives me some BS like "baby I don't feel sex has to be such a big part of our relationship as you're making it; if we love each other that's enough". I've started to be the only one who cares about the household chores...laundry, washing the dishes, taking the trash out, replenishing the trash can liners, etc. While the finances are still shared equally (rent is always on time, cell phones and utilities are paid & dinners/bar tabs are shared) that is about the only balance there still is in the relationship. Whenever I try to bring these issues I have mentioned up to her and hinting that maybe we should no longer be together, she gets defensive and throws the fact that I "have hurt her more than she has hurt me" at me. She claims she loves me so much and that she has never felt this way about anyone else. We talk about marriage. She always says that I am neglectful and don't care about the relationship when in actuality the fact that I am seeking help proves her wrong. I don't know what to do. I have suggested counseling as well, but get the same answer from her every time: "all the therapist is gonna say is things we don't want to here, like we don't need to be together so why bother" etc etc so on and so forth. Did I also mention that our 2 year anniversary was this past February and she still has not gotten me a gift? (she received a $400 watch). If I bring that up she says that the "things I've done/way I've acted don't deserve a gift". What should I do? I do love her however continuing the relationship has become something I contemplate almost every day. I know the honeymoon stage cannot last forever, but if this is how a relationship really is I want no part of it. She is the first long term girlfriend I've had and she has had numerous 2-3+ year relationships ever since she was in high school. I have also started to contemplate whether or not she has lied to me about her previous sexual partners; she claims I am only her third. She has had more than 4-5 past long term relationships. Is she cheating on me? Some of the telltale signs are there and some are not; it just doesn't add up that she would be cheating. I have done some research and it does not point towards that direction. Any advice, suggestions or opinions? Please help, I am in distress. Sorry for the long post, but I had to get all of it out, it's been going on for a while now! All replies are appreciated. We are both 22 about to turn 23 if that helps. Thanks in advance! Hope everyone is well!

 

HitWoman

I cant wait to see what the guys have to say bout this one. Let the brutal accusations begin. I will wait to post form a womans POV. 1st relationship...its only just begun...crazy females.

All in all I feel bad for your situation and how you are feeling.

Ro

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HitWoman

Side note:

DUMP HER!! You already feel the need to move on, thats all that has to be said, you aint feeling her no more. Cause trust me she will dump you. Its called a comfortable situation, you have officially become JUST room mates. Thats what chics do...whatever the guy lets them get away with.



When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.

Ro

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Bushido95Legend

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


my longest relationship i ever had was 2 months so , yeah, i cant help you there buddy. haha
but i can give you some opinion.
you should look on the bright side, atleast you found out about this before you ask her to marry her.
this is complicated cause it can be many things thats in this equation.
did she got fatter aswell?
if i was you i would put my foot down. and be a man. i would try to excite her. i wont ask her for anything or to do anything ,i "tell" her. believe me, when you are at the point you are right now, you gotta try new things. play some mind games. thats all girls is. if you play your card right , you can make her do almost anything you want. thats the weak thing about girls. why you think they always go for bad boys, cause bad boys dont ask , they tell them. the badboy part is new so they are intrigue, but after awhile they want to leave the badboy but are afraid.lol
so try to be that bad boy.
trust me, i have change my personality to see how a girl react differently to me, and they always do, cant beleieve they are such a sucker.
not saying my method is right or wrong, but , try something new. lol.

but if she is cheating on you, she wouldnt waste her time trying to look pretty for you, she will do that for the guy shes cheating you with.
trust me, i seen alot of girls cheating on theyre boyfriends. 4 of my female friends have admitted to me they cheated on theyre boyfriend. sad but true.

then again, if i was you , i would of dump her after 2 month. i am 27 years young, i aint going to settle down until i am 35.
thats my advice , i know its not the best but, its the best i can think of right now. just got off work. drinking a few shots of jager. lol

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"what a fool !!!" Captain.
"Yes.....BUT what a moment". Cyrano de Bergerac

HitWoman

Two reasons why your longest relationship has been 2 months
1.Your statements above
2.Choosing to hook up with childish females who aint on they grown woman yet.

But your 27 yrs young no need to think in that yet; times flies when your having fun...you will be that 35 yr old man lookin to settle down sooner than it seems. Cheers!
We ourselves are the blame for making poor choices; people can only do what we let them. WHAT YOU TOLERATE WILL DOMINATE. I have never heard complaints from a man/woman who chose a partner for the right reasons. OP has an issue with her not getting doo-dad up anymore hence looks and clothing played a big part in choosing her. Looks and style fade and the real person shows up eventually. She got comfy and the real slim shady stood up.



Fellow board brotheren PLEASE PLEASE stop letting these ladies drag you into sh*t.

Ro

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Bushido95Legend

sorry if i sound like an asshole earlier. i was just trying to make a point how easy it is for a guy to mentally abuse theyr girlfriend. its the guys fault. cause now the girls are more protective and more judgemental, and harder to date cause of how bad guys treated them. they screw it up for good guys like us. the problem with nice guys is that they dont have teh balls to talk to a girls. most that do know how to talk to girls are assholes.
first lets distingiush the facts about me and my relationships, and what i seen about girls in generals.
facts of me.
longest relationships = 2 months
i am not a bad boy, every girl i been with i am always faithful to them and i dont play games. i never pretend to be a badboy when i try to get with a girl.
i have seen asshole that gets girls and mistreat them, and i am against that.
i just act different to strangers to see how they act, and then i never see them again.
every girl i was with, i was cool with them. never mistreat them, and i put it on my mom with that statement.
4 of my females friends cheating on theyre BF is true.
another true thing about me, is that half of the time, my ex breaks up with me. i honestly feel that the reason why my relationships dont last that long is because i am too nice. if i was more of an asshole and i would tell her that i NEED her, " dont leave me", she might of stayed with me longer.
i think i am too chilled of a guy most of the times.
with me, is that , i am true to a girl i will give her all the love that i can give her. but when she wants to break up with me, i am not going to beg her or anything. i would say "ok, if you dont want to be with me, i cant force you to be with me". the funny thing about that was that one of my ex was just trying to see what i would do. and i let her go. the very next day she wants to come back with me, she was testing me out. god damnit, cause right when she broke up with me, the next day i was working at the drive thru at my old job, this is like 5 years ago. anyways i saw this cute mexican girl so i ask her for her number and got it. then 4 hours later my ex want to get back with me, so you can imagine how i feel. . the only time when i break up with a girl is when theres things i hate about her.
i just said " i would of dump her after 2 month" cause thats my longest relationship. lol. i am not just going to dump a girl because its 2 month. with that 1 remark i was just trying to be funny. so thats the only thing i would take back.

but i dont Need a girl, i want a girl. infact most of the time i am more happier when i am single. i get more time to spend on my car, i finnish stuff more. i have more time to play my guitar and music. more time to hang out with the boys.
more time to chat with a cool pina like you "wink"

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"what a fool !!!" Captain.
"Yes.....BUT what a moment". Cyrano de Bergerac

HitWoman

No harm, no foul, man. This is generally convo bout real sh*t. I only give opinions not facts. And with only 1/3 of the story you can only give 1/3 of advice. I aint no long haul person for relationships either, thats why Im single. My attention span is TOO short, I get bored quick. I tell my suitors this from jump so no one is caught off guard by my severe nonchalantness.

Best advice I got....talk it out ONCE more if you have a glimmer of desire to try and make it work. Atleast then you will know you did your part and will be able to move on to better more mature things. You're both college students trying to live two lives..an adult life (relationship/shackin up/engagement) and a pre-adult (college/LEARNING to be grown). Peace

PS I like this forum the males on here let me be me

Ro

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Bushido95Legend

short attention span, get bored easily. you sound just like me, are you an Aries too ?

PS. its very sexy to see are girl being her true self. dont hold nothing back. hehe

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"what a fool !!!" Captain.
"Yes.....BUT what a moment". Cyrano de Bergerac

sourdiesel

holy paragraph batman!

Ok Now i read that huge mass of words and my verdict is get rid of her... take a break.. It seems like shes getting too comfortable with you and thats why she isnt dressing up and putting in all the effort... You need to shake up that comfort a little bit to make her try because right now she basically owns you and has you running every which way trying to fix things. A.K.A. Shes got you by the balls... Just hint at her that life can go on without her and hopefully she'll get it... you need to act like she is an expendable part of your life to get her trying harder... Well, good luck!

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G2BMC

L.I.G Let It Go. Just based off what ur telling me she has A. gotten 2 comfy and 4got to keep showing u reasons u got wit her, B. she may be in the early stages of pregnancy and doesnt want to tell u. I mean if u were fucking like pornstars 1 week and then the next ur not gettin any at all, it could be a possibility (especially if she's loafing round.) or C. She fuckin some1 else. Also ask urself this, have u changed anything bout urself, shaved a mustache, changed ur style of dress.

Prime Example-bout 3 years ago, I was on the button game hard. But if u knew me b4 that I was in jeans a tee and a hoody ALWAYS with timbos, or Js. When I made this change i noticed a slight change in the way my girl would talk to me. Like I was soft or some random ass person on the street. Of course i checked that at the door. But I realized she wasnt looking at the same person as b4. So I took it back to Tees and Jeans with various hoodies. Now she gives me that "damn thats my dude right there" type stare. So ask urself have u changed any. Either way (unless shes prego) I wouldve said something after bout a month. If she has lip let her ass go. I've come to the realization lately that yes Im young as hell and if my situation doesnt work out, I'll just have to rebuild.

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I also wish I had caught a knee cap with him facing me, just to send a message to faggot ass theives that like 2 steal. "NO EASY TARGET HERE. ATTEMPT THEFT AT UR OWN WAGER, BUT WHEN THE HOUSE WINS U MAY LOSE MORE THAN UR CHIPS. i.e. UR LIFE."


G2BMC

"It's still Big Iggy... B!+(H"

jigga225

I'm at work and couldnt read everyone's post in detail.
But you're young and in college man, its not supposed to be like that.
As someone mentioned earlier, yall are just comfortable. I'm not going to go and say she's cheating on you, but she's definitely not putting forth the effort she used to.

Now its not a one sided game, you have to check yourself and see if you've changed as well....

I know the feeling of being in the crib with what used to be your baby and wanting things to be like they were, but you can't force anything man. Trust me.

My choice would be to let it go and move on with each of your respective lives. Real talk

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G2BMC

yeah and as u know im no preppy college boy whos a wanna be drug dealer, and at said time when i was on the button ups id say it was the exact opposite. but i realized u cant make such a drastic change and not expect the way others around u to view u different. another example is how ppl talk to me now that i have locks. when i had the caesar, it was no prob for ppl to ask 4 help, with locks a lot of ppl think im some mean rasta who wont help his own young. it doesn't bother me too much cause i have to help ppl in wally world get stuff of the top shelf a lot less now.

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I also wish I had caught a knee cap with him facing me, just to send a message to faggot ass theives that like 2 steal. "NO EASY TARGET HERE. ATTEMPT THEFT AT UR OWN WAGER, BUT WHEN THE HOUSE WINS U MAY LOSE MORE THAN UR CHIPS. i.e. UR LIFE."


G2BMC

"It's still Big Iggy... B!+(H"

hnic

To put it bluntly...

FTB!

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Will all ugly people please be quiet!?

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Vic Cardenas

I don't think she is comfortable like others have said here.

I think she's depressed and she's taking you with her. You are young and there is no reason to stay with someone on a downward spiral. Don't feel sorry for her and don't try to "fix" her.

I was your age when I got married and we have had our ups and downs but we have never been like you two are. I would have never got married if I felt like that.

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l4zy415

Damn man, I think its best for you guys to brake up. By the way it looks, its gonna get worse. I've been going out with my GF for almost 2 years and sometimes we fight, but at the end, we try to fix it. But it seems like she has given up on ya pretty bad. And your still young mayne. There's other fish in the sea. You'll find someone better homie.

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