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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
 

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Not funny actually. But I used to be afraid of death, but after a near death experience, suddenly I'm totally at peace with it, I wonder why that is?:thumbsup:

I KNOW there's more out there!:thumbsup:
ok, lets not turn this into a religious debate, just realize to each their own, i dont go around trying to soil people from christianity or catholism b/c i believe differently, and i expect the same from the other parties.

i hate the religious nuts who try to force their religion upon someone. I guess im a naturalist or something. I believe we are all here from a goldie locks type of events in the creation of the world. Started small and evolution took car of the rest. i just think its naive to worship some mythical being in the sky. People believe in God but thing Aliens dont exist? come on now.

im just gonna leave it at that, cause i think i might have already opened a can of worms here. But watch the first chapter of the documentary Zietgeist. it will give you a new out look on "religions"
 

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ok, lets not turn this into a religious debate, just realize to each their own, i dont go around trying to soil people from christianity or catholism b/c i believe differently, and i expect the same from the other parties.

i hate the religious nuts who try to force their religion upon someone. I guess im a naturalist or something. I believe we are all here from a goldie locks type of events in the creation of the world. Started small and evolution took car of the rest. i just think its naive to worship some mythical being in the sky. People believe in God but thing Aliens dont exist? come on now.

im just gonna leave it at that, cause i think i might have already opened a can of worms here. But watch the first chapter of the documentary Zietgeist. it will give you a new out look on "religions"
:thumbsup: No Athiests in Foxholes!
 

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ok, lets not turn this into a religious debate, just realize to each their own, i dont go around trying to soil people from christianity or catholism b/c i believe differently, and i expect the same from the other parties.

i hate the religious nuts who try to force their religion upon someone. I guess im a naturalist or something. I believe we are all here from a goldie locks type of events in the creation of the world. Started small and evolution took car of the rest. i just think its naive to worship some mythical being in the sky. People believe in God but thing Aliens dont exist? come on now.

im just gonna leave it at that, cause i think i might have already opened a can of worms here. But watch the first chapter of the documentary Zietgeist. it will give you a new out look on "religions"
I understand what you mean about religious people trying to push their beliefs on people. I have probably been guilty of that, personally I don't put my trust in religion because it's just traditions of man, I focus on spiritual life not religion.

Man I still haven't seen the whole movie. It was interesting especially the part about 9/11.

Have you seen a movie called "what the bleep do we know"or another movie called "the secret"?
They pretty much show how scientifically everything is energy. Which they use to demonstrate the law of attraction- loosely a universal law that like energy attracts more of that same energy. ie, when someone focuses on being late for work they'll end up late for work, when someone concentrates on being broke they'll end up broke, when someone sees theirself as a victim they'll end up a victim, pretty much you determine what happens in your life and they show how it works.

That law of attraction, blew my mind because it also shows what has been in the bible from the beginning. That energy is never-ending and that energy can either be bad energy or good energy, which means they have to come from somewhere. It also shows that when you work in positive energy(not some voodoo meaning but pretty much when you have a positive can do outlook on a situation) you will be confident in a positive outcome and as a result the outcome will be in your favor. When you go through the day focusing on the things you love you'll end up attracting more things to love, THAT in a nutshell is what the bible calls walking in love and believing or being confident in good energy is what the bible calls faith.

This also applies to negative hateful energy. When you wake up mad that there's something you don't have, you'll end up finding more things to be pissed about. As a result you'd attract more things to be mad about, and if your looking for shit to be mad about the world isn't going to run out of ish to make you mad. :lol:

Also not trying to get WAAAAYYYY off-topic but IMO good energy can ONLY create good things which it does out of love, and good things = life. So to quote Rakim "Love is life and life is love." Bad energy CAN'T create anything useful, so it only creates more hate, and as a result it only tries to fuck up the good things that life created, plus by definition the opposite of life is death. The part that blew my mind about all of this is that, like I stated way back lol, both postive energy(love) and negative energy(hate) have to have a source, where the originate. Since they can't originate in the same place because that'd be an oxy-moron they have to come from seperate places. Meaning positive energy is God, and negative energy is the devil.

Naimtalbout? If not, you'll understand if you want to. I'm not offended in anyway, besides we both have a love for the Legend and that's something we'll always have in common. :thumbsup:
 

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haha wyatt. there's nothign religus here. its all about playing with words, and how if you rephrase somethign it'll have a totally different meaning.

i'm a jew, and in NOWAY religus at all. and found these funny. epesically
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
Thats just fucking funny right there, i don't care who u are. lol
 

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Hail Xenu!
:rofl: , but no... just... No.

But watch the first chapter of the documentary Zietgeist. it will give you a new out look on "religions"
Zeitgeist certainly is some eye-opening propaganda, and I enjoyed the whole movie. Just try to keep in mind that it is just that: propaganda. While they don't have that strong of an agenda, they clearly have an agenda. Its conspiracy theory stuff, good conspiracy theory, but still.
On that note, check out "Esoteric Agenda" (I would google video that) and check out stuff about the Denver Airport (you can utube that). Other good conspiracy shit.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
Hilarious. That whole joke was effin' hilarious.
 
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