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Old 12-13-08, 04:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Girlfriend: Thinks all guys....

I keep having this discussion with my gal....

She is convinced that all men are "wired" to cheat, or be unfaithful to their mate. We have only been dating a few months, but we're clearly in love here. It's hard to say where the relationship will end up, but there have been talks about marriage and kids and what not (and hey I haven't ran away yet. Haha)

Anyway, I'd never cheat. Ever. I've seen infidelity ruin too many relationships (wheather it was the man or woman, or whatever).

How do I handle this? It bothers me she just assumes that given the proper circumstances, that since I'm a man, I would cheat on her, or any other woman I'm with. It's not going to happen. No girl is going to be able to make me do anything I don't want to. No man is going to be able to do that either, but if I cheat on her with a man, we have OTHEr issues

What I'm getting at here is that it's beginning to bother me. It's not a topic that comes up often, because I know when it does she's going to generalize and lump me into the same category "as every other man".

Can anyone offer me some advice? How do I not let this bother me? I realize I can say I won't cheat until I'm blue in the face, but proving this to her is going to be next to impossible. I wouldn't want to rub it in her face either, and make her feel foolish. This is difficult for me to deal with
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Old 12-13-08, 04:41 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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lol... tell her my recent situation with the chick that wouldn't date me unless i just fucked her. and i didn't due to respectable reasons.

or maybe tell her i'm one of the guys that thinks chicks are selfish cheaters cuz i've been cheated on.
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Old 12-13-08, 04:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Been there done that.

I've got to get to the pont where it doesn't bother me, but I just can't figure out how. I hate to be stereotyped. In any part of my life. I guess I can't control what other people think, and my actions are going to have to speak louder than my words to get her to change this opinion.

Maybe she will get one of her girl friends to come on to me as a test. I wouldn't put it past her for a second.
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Old 12-13-08, 05:25 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Just be yourself. If your with your girl like at a mall or at a party, don't stare or talk to a random girl. Once you do, and she see's you talking to another girl, she'll flip. I've been with my GF for 2 years now. We had our ups and down, but we ended up fixing it. Friends also can get ya in trouble. Sometimes they'll just try to holla at a girl and sometimes you just want to join lol.

Don't let it get to ya, just keep trying to put a smile on her face and make her know you'll be there for her.
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Old 12-13-08, 07:26 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dblanehopr View Post

or maybe tell her i'm one of the guys that thinks chicks are selfish cheaters cuz i've been cheated on.
i like the way you think. she might give him sympathy after hearing that and wont even mention the word "cheat" anymore. i would try that, haha.



Quote:
Originally Posted by morbo View Post
Been there done that.

I've got to get to the pont where it doesn't bother me, but I just can't figure out how. I hate to be stereotyped. In any part of my life. I guess I can't control what other people think, and my actions are going to have to speak louder than my words to get her to change this opinion.

Maybe she will get one of her girl friends to come on to me as a test. I wouldn't put it past her for a second.
you cant control how a person feel.
i'm guessing she got cheated on? and for sure she knows alot of girls that got cheated on.
but shes right, most men will cheat if they have the chance. those are weak minded men.
women cheat too not as much as guys but pretty close, the only difference is that most women dont initiate the cheat, its the man that wants her. if he plays his game right, he can make almost any married woman cheat on her husband. its human nature, some are strong to resist it, but most are just plain weak.
if i was you, i just keep telling her that i love her and she got nothing to worry about. she keeps mentioning it, just change the topic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by l4zy415 View Post
Just be yourself. If your with your girl like at a mall or at a party, don't stare or talk to a random girl. Once you do, and she see's you talking to another girl, she'll flip. I've been with my GF for 2 years now. We had our ups and down, but we ended up fixing it. Friends also can get ya in trouble. Sometimes they'll just try to holla at a girl and sometimes you just want to join lol.

Don't let it get to ya, just keep trying to put a smile on her face and make her know you'll be there for her.
james has a good point, just be yourself and stay out of trouble, and then you got nothing to worrie about.

Last edited by 11454; 12-13-08 at 10:22 AM. Reason: typos
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Old 12-13-08, 10:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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IMO, I don't think proving yourself to her is the problem. The issue is understanding her.. She is the one that has this belief not you. You have to change her religion sort of speak.. Look I love women. even as friends.. When you meet one that has generalization issues you have to find out why. But let her tell it over and over.. How do you when.. If you are truely a good man to her, she'll hate to lose you. So make her talk about all the things that push here to believe it.. Not imaginary senario's but actual points of reference in her life that give her reason to believe this. If she can't reference these in her life.. You know you won't give them to her. So you can get over it or past it.. But overall it sounds like she loves to vent pain and you have a job to allow her to vent and heal... Hope that helps..
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Old 12-13-08, 10:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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yes all men are wired to cheat if an only if they not getting what they want at home.
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Old 12-13-08, 11:13 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It's sounds like she's been cheated on in the past and she's preparing herself to be cheated on. Men aren't "wired" to cheat any more than women are. There are habitual cheaters and there are people that just do it once because they are unhappy. Then there are people that just don't do it. I feel sorry for you men that get this "all men cheat" reputation because it's really not true.
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Old 12-13-08, 11:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
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just prove her wrong and keep showing her that she can trust you!
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Old 12-13-08, 11:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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if that's all the girl problems you have then you've got it made
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Old 12-13-08, 11:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Shes just insecure. Tell her women feel like that about men mostly because they don't disolve baggage or wash their hands properly with prior relationships. Although many men do generally seem to have alterior motives (as some women aswell do) it doesn't mean we should all be assumed under one umbrella.

It depends on the guy n at what point in his life he is at. You shouldn't feel like u have to explain yourself over n over if u already have. Be assertive n remind her that if you've given her no reason for her to be worried or assuming things about you than it's not fair to you n that you won't tolerate it.

It's all about communication n sincerity at the end of the day
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Old 12-13-08, 12:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stock legend View Post
if that's all the girl problems you have then you've got it made
for real that's a small problem dont let it get to you.....shes going to be paranoid for a long time till she realizes you're not the cheater type. Funny thing about this is a friend of mine was in the same situation and it was the girl who ended up cheating on him !
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Old 12-13-08, 12:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I suspect she has issues with men disappointing her in her past, and she doesn't trust men. If she keeps thinking this way, it will ( may already have) become an issue that interferes all her current and future relationships. I don't know if there is anything you can do, because its the way SHE feels, and it will take years and years of treating her right before she can put you in a category she does not even think exists now - "men who are trustworthy"

You will get used to her views and help her ... or cut bait and keep looking.

Good luck
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Old 12-13-08, 01:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Sound like she's been hurt before and it still lingers. All you can do if yo uthink she's worth it is show her she can trust you. Eventually that accusing you gets old
Joe Budden said "the worst thing u can do to an innocent man is accuse him"

And in this book i read called "the way of the superior man" it said its
Quote:
Natural for a man to want more than one woman. Even if he loves his intimate partner, he will naturally want other women. How a man deals with this desire is up to him. He should know that these desires can't be avoided. He should also know that, acting on such desires, though temporary exhilarating, may end up complicating his life far more than the occasion itself is worth"
Good stuff
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Old 12-13-08, 02:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Until she is able to confront for herself the real reason she believes this irrationality, she'll keep believing it. It could stem from past relationships where her boyfriend cheated on her, or even where she cheated on him. It could even be that she's living out an argument between her parents that took place during her childhood - that is to say, she's repeating things her mom used to scream at her dad. That happens too.

If you want to help her, gotta keep your cool and ask her to talk about it. Maybe approach it this way:
she says "all men are cheaters"
you say "I hear you. Did something happen?"

You always have to acknowledge her, to keep the communication going. Then see if you can get her to tell you something about it. Repeat this until she seems like she's gotten some relief.

Well, good luck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by morbo View Post
I keep having this discussion with my gal....

She is convinced that all men are "wired" to cheat, or be unfaithful to their mate. We have only been dating a few months, but we're clearly in love here. It's hard to say where the relationship will end up, but there have been talks about marriage and kids and what not (and hey I haven't ran away yet. Haha)

Anyway, I'd never cheat. Ever. I've seen infidelity ruin too many relationships (wheather it was the man or woman, or whatever).

How do I handle this? It bothers me she just assumes that given the proper circumstances, that since I'm a man, I would cheat on her, or any other woman I'm with. It's not going to happen. No girl is going to be able to make me do anything I don't want to. No man is going to be able to do that either, but if I cheat on her with a man, we have OTHEr issues

What I'm getting at here is that it's beginning to bother me. It's not a topic that comes up often, because I know when it does she's going to generalize and lump me into the same category "as every other man".

Can anyone offer me some advice? How do I not let this bother me? I realize I can say I won't cheat until I'm blue in the face, but proving this to her is going to be next to impossible. I wouldn't want to rub it in her face either, and make her feel foolish. This is difficult for me to deal with
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